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Streetplay Presidential Pentathlon section guide

• Pentathlon 2000 home
• Current standings
• Rules and disclaimer
• Streetplay humor section
• Pentathlon discussion area

Pentathlon news
• 3/9: Bradley & McCain quit, clash
• 3/7: Gore flicks a winner
• 2/21: Bradley, handball ace
• 2/14: McCain hops to victory
• 2/10: Forbes cashes out
• 2/4: Bauer falls out
• 2/2: Bush takes marbles
• 1/28: Events moved up
• 1/26: Hatch quits race

The candidates
• Bill Bradley (D)out of race
• Al Gore (D)
• Gary Bauer (R)out of race
• George W. Bush (R)
• Steve Forbes (R)out of race
• Orrin Hatch (R)out of race
• Alan Keyes (R)
• John McCain (R)out of race

 trash can: quit race

The events
• 2/2: Marbles
• 2/14: Hopscotch
• 2/21: Handball
• 3/7: Skully
• 3/14: Stickball



Country boy Gore wins city slicker game


Gore on the move

Gore: "I got the best legs of them all."

THE BRONX, NY (Streetplay newsfeed, 3/7/2000) - In the shadow of Yankee Stadium on "Super Tuesday," Democratic presidential candidate Al Gore pulled an upset victory in the fourth event of the Presidential Pentathlon, skully. This game, played by flicking bottlecaps across a paved surface, was thought to be totally foreign to Gore, who grew up in Tennessee. "You think they don't have pavement in Nashville," Gore quipped, "guess again. And I know something about bottlecaps--I've opened a bottle once or twice in my day. I guess you can call it 'Skully Tuesday' now, too!"

Second place finisher Alan Keyes was pleased with his outcome. "Maybe this will end the media blackout of my candidacy," said Keyes. Keyes had originally lodged a protest during the competition, stating that Gore's entourage was playing John Denver's song "Thank God I'm a Country Boy" while he played; he later withdrew the protest upon learning that fellow Republican George W. Bush was responsible for it.

The early favorite to win, third place finisher Senator John McCain was not as gracious after the tournament finished. "That Gore is just like Clinton... Hillary, that is... if you know what I mean." McCain's staff later issued a clarification of this statement, calling the comparison of Gore to Mrs. Clinton "a reference to being a carpetbagger, not a woman." McCain's experience as a beer distributor in the early 1980s was thought to give him an edge in skully because the game is played primarily with bottlecaps from beer bottles.

Democrat "Dollar" Bill Bradley, the early Pentathlon favorite, saw his fortunes fade today much as his recent campaign has. Inexplicably, instead of practicing skully on the East Coast in recent weeks, Bradley chose to spend a great deal of time in the state of Washington. He did poorly in that primary, and was unable to practice for today's event. Bradley lamented, "I thought I could squeeze in some skully. When I went looking for bottlecaps in the streets of Seattle, all I could find were empty Starbucks' cups. I blew it." Bradley was quick to point out that he was "not mathematically eliminated" from taking the pentathlon championship; however, his current position in the standings would require him to win the final event, stickball.
 

Yogi plays skully
Berra: "The skully tournament gives the candidates an insurmountable opportunity."
Mr. Bush finished last today due to his premature departure from the event. Said Bush, "meeting [skully referee] Yogi Berra was nice, but this place [Yankee Stadium]--it gives me nightmares. Do you know what the Rangers' record is at this place? Hey, you gotta know when to hold 'em and when to fold 'em. I'm out of here." This was a reference to Bush's tenure as part-owner of the Texas Rangers baseball franchise, which the New York Yankees have eliminated from post-season play 3 of the past 4 years.

The skully competition was held on River Avenue in the Bronx, directly adjoining Yankee Stadium. That was just fine for skully referee and Yankee Hall of Famer Yogi Berra. Taking time out from his spring training coaching chores in Florida, Berra was happy to fly north and promote skully. Noted Berra, "I'd like to thank Streetplay.com for making this moment necessary." When asked if he was surprised that Gore took the skully victory, Yogi observed, "you can't think and play skully too. Clearly, Al is the man who was thinking the least."


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