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Country boy Gore wins city slicker game
Second place finisher Alan Keyes was pleased with his outcome. "Maybe this will end the media blackout of my candidacy," said Keyes. Keyes had originally lodged a protest during the competition, stating that Gore's entourage was playing John Denver's song "Thank God I'm a Country Boy" while he played; he later withdrew the protest upon learning that fellow Republican George W. Bush was responsible for it. The early favorite to win, third place finisher Senator John McCain was not as gracious after the tournament finished. "That Gore is just like Clinton... Hillary, that is... if you know what I mean." McCain's staff later issued a clarification of this statement, calling the comparison of Gore to Mrs. Clinton "a reference to being a carpetbagger, not a woman." McCain's experience as a beer distributor in the early 1980s was thought to give him an edge in skully because the game is played primarily with bottlecaps from beer bottles.
Democrat "Dollar" Bill Bradley, the early
Pentathlon favorite, saw his fortunes fade today much as his recent campaign
has. Inexplicably, instead of practicing skully on the East Coast in recent
weeks, Bradley chose to spend a great deal of time in the state of Washington.
He did poorly in that primary, and was unable to practice for today's event.
Bradley lamented, "I thought I could squeeze in some skully. When I went
looking for bottlecaps in the streets of Seattle, all I could find were empty
Starbucks' cups. I blew it." Bradley was quick to point out that he was "not
mathematically eliminated" from taking the pentathlon championship; however,
his current position in the standings would
require him to win the final event, stickball.
The skully competition was held on River Avenue in the Bronx, directly adjoining Yankee Stadium. That was just fine for skully referee and Yankee Hall of Famer Yogi Berra. Taking time out from his spring training coaching chores in Florida, Berra was happy to fly north and promote skully. Noted Berra, "I'd like to thank Streetplay.com for making this moment necessary." When asked if he was surprised that Gore took the skully victory, Yogi observed, "you can't think and play skully too. Clearly, Al is the man who was thinking the least." |
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