Pentathlon News: Bauer falls out

• Pentathlon 2000 home • Current standings • Rules and disclaimer • Streetplay humor section • Pentathlon discussion area Pentathlon news • 3/9: Bradley & McCain quit, clash • 3/7: Gore flicks a winner • 2/21: Bradley, handball ace • 2/14: McCain hops to victory • 2/10: Forbes cashes out • 2/4: Bauer falls out • 2/2: Bush takes marbles • 1/28: Events moved up • 1/26: Hatch quits race The candidates • Bill Bradley (D) • Al Gore (D) • Gary Bauer (R) • George W. Bush (R) • Steve Forbes (R) • Orrin Hatch (R) • Alan Keyes (R) • John McCain (R)  : quit race The events • 2/2: Marbles • 2/14: Hopscotch • 2/21: Handball • 3/7: Skully • 3/14: Stickball

Bauer falls, can't get up "Here, you take it," Bauer tells gun store owner after announcing his withdrawl from the campaign. WASHINGTON (Streetplay feed, 2/4/2000) - Conservative Republican Gary Bauer, whose presidential campaign never really took flight, announced at a newsconference here today that he is pulling out of the race. For the second time in as many weeks, a presidential hopeful cited his failure in the Presidential Pentathlon for the basis of his withdrawl. "Today I'm withdrawing from the contest for the Republican presidential nomination," Bauer said. "First I fell down at the pancake making thing, then just two days ago I stepped on some marbles and landed on my butt again. The other candidates are making fun of me... after I lost to [Bill] Bradley in at marbles [read story], he looked at me and said, 'You're such a spazz, short-stuff.' Even the guys at C-SPAN can't look at me with a straight face anymore." When asked what his next challenge is, Bauer stunned the Washington press corps with an entirely unexpected response. "I will be working with David Hasselhoff in a new recurring role in his show, Baywatch: Hawaii." When asked to elaborate on this, Bauer stated, "I'll be playing the part of Biff, Mitch's long-lost twin brother." Hasselhoff could not be reached to confirm or deny Bauer's claim.

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