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Hatch leaves race, cites Pentathlon troubles
Hatch told a news conference on Capitol Hill, "I am announcing today that I will no longer seek the Republican nomination for President of the United States. My showing in Iowa only compounds the fact that my moral objection to participation in bouncing-ball sports would inevitably cause me to lose the Streetplay Pentathlon, and subsequently would ruin any chance I may have had for nomination by my party." Hatch, who was the last Republican to enter the presidential campaign, felt he would compensate for not playing handball and stickball by "kicking ass" in other Streetplay events. Reportedly, he had been practicing marbles and hopscotch for months. While the other candidates headed to New Hampshire to gear up for the presidential primary there next week, Hatch went back to Washington to reevaluate his so-called "personal moral barometer." |
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